Waiting

It is the waiting that gets to you, waiting to be somebody, somewhere. When you have lost your way and you are unsure about the new direction it gets to you. I find myself jealous of those who seem to know, but jealousy is a total waste of time. I skipped my yoga class today and my tai chi class on Memorial day. You could make use of the time by listening to birdsong. I am not even making the morning coffee or fussing about in the kitchen. Like a denial of the self, a little fasting. I am being pushed to the edge, my mind is eager to experience something. What will be the next thing? Each day is a couple of minutes longer until the fall of life when each day is shorter. I am in the shorter of the days. It happened so quickly. I stand in a corner, quietly content that I can breath. I should clean out the fridge; it is filled with partial remains that nobody really wants.  I am not a Chief Executive Officer. I am nobody going nowhere. I am able to learn and to find my own way. What am I good at? I am a writer and a public speaker. This will be my goal, to get a job somewhere doing something. The situation will be turned around. I will have love and trust. I will be truthful. I will see the bright side of things in the darkest of moments. My second brain tumor will be my last one. I will recover. I will win again. Find optimism in the midst of pain. I try to live up to a high ideal. Faith is the rope that I use to pull me to path. Sonnets are a blast. I adore the 14 line of iambic pentameter. I am waiting for September when I will get my baby shots again. I will begin again there. I am kind of beginning again already. I have to learn my instruments again, the piano, the accordion, the bass, the guitar. I got the driving back.  How will it feel to be in this new place. What I can do in this moment to keep walking toward what I want. It is okay if I am afraid. I can keep on heading forward anyway. In order to learn to write one must write, and to read one must read. These are things that I will continue to do. I will not wait to do them; I will carry on doing them, like taking out the garbage every day and brushing my teeth everyday. I know more than I believe that I do.

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